So many people have given me this advice that I started to wonder why. Even my own mother held me back from picking him up one time and told me to, "give it a few minutes just to see what he does." What did she think he was going to do? Stop crying because he no longer needed me for whatever it was that he started crying for? Well, that definitely did not happen. He just cried louder, and louder and louder and I got more and more stressed out. I couldn't handle it- it actually bothered me more than I would have ever imagined. As it turned out, he was crying because he was hungry. Imagine that! He wasn't crying for the fun of it, he actually needed me and that is how he was communicating those needs to me. People have also told me that crying is "good for their lungs" and that if I respond to him right away that he is being spoiled. I couldn't disagree more. This advice made no sense to me, and it just didn't feel right so I finally did a little research, and I liked what I found: Contrary to popular belief- crying isn't good for a baby's lungs. And it turns out, I am not crazy! I am actually being a normal mother by instinctively wanting to comfort my baby when he cries. It is our natural, biological response.
Upon doing my research I found this on Dr. Sears website: http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/fussy-baby/letting-baby-cry-it-out-yes-no "Not only is the cry a wonderful design for babies; it is a useful divine design for parents, especially the mother. When a mother hears her baby cry, the blood flow to her breasts increases, accompanied by the biological urge to "pick up and nurse" her baby. ("Nurse" means comforting, not just breastfeeding.) As an added biological perk, the maternal hormones released when baby nurses relax the mother, so she gives a less tense and more nurturing response to her infant's needs. These biological changes – part of the design of the mother-baby communication network – explain why it's easy for someone else to advise you to let your baby cry, but difficult for you to do. That counterproductive advice is not biologically correct." Thank you Dr. Sears! I knew there was a reason why it was so hard for me to listen to this insane advice!
If you still think I am nuts just try to imagine what it is like to be a baby: (Yes, I realize we were all babies once, but luckily we don't remember because it was probably a traumatic experience.) You spend 9 months in your mother's womb- the perfect environment where your every need is met. You are fed on a regular basis, your body temperature is perfectly regulated and you are just so cozy in there. Then one day, all of a sudden, you are born into a completely new environment. You are just a tiny baby, in a big scary world. Everything that was familiar to you is gone- except for one thing; your mother. Her voice, her smell, and her touch are all so comforting. You depend on her to meet all of your needs- to feed you when you are hungry, to keep you warm, to burp you when you have gas, etc. How do you communicate your needs to her? You cry! You cry to let someone know that something isn't right, and you need them to make it right. Do you get the picture? Babies need us and crying is their language; their way of communicating to us until they learn how to talk.
No one will ever hold me back from responding to my son's cry again. I don't ever want him to feel like I wont be there for him when he needs me. Call me crazy, but I actually like comforting him and taking care of his needs. After all, isn't that what being a mom is all about? I wouldn't have it any other way.
I think you're right, but when they get a little older and understand that crying = mom, it can become a little more tricky. I've seen a child of a relative of mine who would cry so her mother would pick her up. She didn't *need* anything, she just wanted to be picked up - and when her mother put her down after a while? The crying started again. The same baby would also cry for mom when she couldn't see her (and this is when she's old enough to sit up and crawl). Yes, mothers are there for their children and yes, we should always make sure our children have everything they want. It makes no sense to let your child cry if they're hungry or if they have a dirty diaper, but sometimes if it's just for attention (and you give the child plenty of attention) then it's time to question what's going on.
ReplyDeleteWhen I had to put my toddler alone in his own room for the night, he would cry and cry. I knew he was safe, he just wasn't used to it and wanted me to come in and/or sleep with us in our bed. So I had to tough it out and three nights later he went to bed on his own and has been happy ever since.
Girl I totally agree with you there! I actually have that book, "The Baby Book", by Dr. Sears and his wife. That's exactly what the book said too! My heart hurts if I hear him cry for a long period of time! :( I looked it up too while I was pregnant because he's my first one and I was all new to this 'mom' world. I seen on one website where it said that you should always respond to your baby crying until he's at least 6 months old. That's where M.Brook81 talks about how some babies cry because cry = mom for just attention. But at age 6 months they are sitting up by themselves, able to roll around and maybe crawl. That's when you can sit back and watch what they do if you don't immediately respond to them because they are capable of entertaining themselves in some kind of way. I know I've started doing that with my son and he'll whine a little bit and then go right back to playing. :) Of course there's those times where he cries louder and it's usually because well he's hungry, tired, etc! So I totally agree with you on this! :)
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